How do you define optimism?

A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday

Play Hotel Kerala Fonia

Kerala version of The Hotel California by The Yeagles

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself
I don’t like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering “No power today”
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It’s infested here
It’s infested here
His finger’s stuck up his nostril
He’s got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that’s just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room’s full of mice
He said,
Don’t worry, saar,I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray
Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can’t cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me Down
God’s Own Country? Oh, Hell!

Money talks, BS walks.

Via BankersBall :

Now take a Bad Boy, put him in a Brioni suit and you have Mr. Junk Bond.

Dating Mr. Junk Bond (JB) is akin to the non-investment bond grading system. Initially, Mr. Junk Bond is a Ba/BB. JB is charming, unpredictable, decisive and intense. His offer of a high interest rate despite the speculative aspects is irresistible. JB’s late hours in finance indicate hard work and intelligence. You reconcile JB’s bad boy behavior with the nascence of the relationship.

JB quickly plummets to Caa/CCC rating when you can’t remember when your last real date was and he only calls you “babe”. You begin to wonder if JB remembers your name. Then again, you realize, he has to know your name – it’s in your email address.

Nonetheless, the D rating of payment default is looming. JB only seems to have time for you after 10 pm (aka the booty text).

Booty texts may take the form “U awake?” or “U out 2nite?” and often make you wonder whether JB sent the text message to more than one girl. Was it some kind of mass mailed booty text? Perhaps even booty text spam?

As investors, you are cognizant of why you shouldn’t play with junk bonds, but resisting the temptation is difficult. Sometimes you have to dive in and make a really bad investment to learn. Unfortunately, you may have to keep adding more than one JB to your portfolio repeatedly before you learn the lesson of JB’s danger and allure.

Via Dealbreaker

The High Yield Debt (“Junk Bond”): The untamed and often uncontrollable vixen, commonly referred to as the mistress. She’s not looking for any long term investment, but she could offer a mind-blowing weekend in Maui, as long as she doesn’t pick up the tab. There is no middle ground with these types—they enjoy either the high flying adventure or nothing at all; they come with a price. If their partner slips up in any way or ceases to perform, she will immediately default, leaving a trail of broken hearts in her often destructive path. The Junk Bond is perfect for the young and the immature—those who have not experienced the ups and downs of the dating world and simply want to reap the benefits of lust and adventure. They won’t stick around to raise your children, but they will give you a great escape from them.

The Investment Grade Security: The 1950’s housewife. She’s quiet, calm, sweet, and patient; she’ll never get too riled up and will stick with you even in the worst of times. Considered by many to be the ideal wife and future mother of one’s children. Perfect for the well seasoned and experienced individual—one who has seen the highs and lows of the dating scene and is ready to settle down into a stable, committed relationship. They’ll never make you rich, but will also never let you down.

The Bridge Loan: Perfect for the recovering heart-broken man. She is generally kind and gentle, often not requiring much from her partner, but generally giving exactly what is needed—a short term tryst that will leave her partner confident and more experienced upon her leave. She rarely leaves a trail of broken hearts in her wake because she always has the grace to end the relationship amicably. In fact, many men call upon the bridge loan several times in their lives for quick fixes to broken hearts. She, being the selfless type, is always willing to accommodate.


The Asset Based Revolver (“ABR”): The ABR is the trickiest of all the breeds of women—often the most superficial, but generally the most desirable by those with great ambition. She can help her partner reap great benefits, but can take them away just as quickly. She is a social climber, socialista, and often the life of the party—constantly armed with Christian Louboutins stilettos, Balenciaga handbags, and a perfectly sculpted slender body accented with wildly untamed hair. She will make an initial investment in various types of men, but will only stay with those who continually build upon their fortunes. Any faltering in realized ambition will cause her to immediately walk away, taking with her not only her partner’s pride, but often a significant portion of his assets—not to mention his social circle. She carries great penalties, but for the ambitious, she will give continually greater rewards proportionate to her partner’s increased net worth. Great marriage material for the superficial and ambitious men of the world, but be warned: If she files for divorce, the consequences will be catastrophic.


The Convertible Bond: Often the most complex and difficult to value of the group, but just as often the most desired. Generally referred to as proverbial “hooker with a heart of gold.” Upon first glance, she is often seen as being merely rentable material—a short term fling that rarely sticks around for the duration. But, hidden within the lust-inducing exterior, is a hidden gem of warmth with the heart of a housewife and a fealty that will tame even the most promiscuous of men. She is perfect for the post-player type; she will lure her partner in with her sexual prowess but because of her loyalty and kindness, will often be invited by her partner to share in his future growth.


The Subordinated Debt: Generally the second, third, fourth, etc. wife. She’s often a short term fix to a misguided life, frequently brought about by some midlife crisis filled with dreams of reinvention. Arriving in the picture only after her partner has already made his considerable wealth, she rarely reaps the financial benefits of the first wife, to whom her partner owed the most, and to whom her partner always gave, and will continue to give, the most. The subordinated debt will generally have to sign a bullet-proof prenuptial agreement that will reap her modest, but never outsized returns upon the almost guaranteed divorce. She’s perfect for the self-made man who needs the affection of a beautiful (and often younger) woman and the appearance of stability with a marriage. The subordinated debt is always hoping that upon her partner’s death, she will be favored in the will, but she is always disappointed when the children from the first marriage get the lion’s share of the wealth.


The LEAP Option: The consummate “friend with benefits.” Perfect for a good heart to heart, but also equally great for a weekend rendezvous or a late night hook-up. Her partner has borne his soul to her and she has borne hers to him, but they’ve always gone their separate ways to explore other relationships. She, however, is always in the back of her partner’s mind as a potential life-long mate. And if her partner determines she is “in the money,” he will forsake all others just for her. Because there is already intimacy between them (and often years of affection) the love blossoms immediately between the LEAP and her partner. The relationship often begins with the partner making a grand romantic gesture of his undying love filled with a blabbering speech about how he has been a fool for not realizing it before—a sentiment which is often reciprocated freely by the LEAP. For this reason, the engagement period for the LEAP is generally short and the relationship tends to weather the tests of time. Perfect for the commitment phobic types who can never quite let their guards down, but who also have a secret and deep sense of romance.


The Collateralized Debt Obligation: Upon first glance she’s the debutant donned in pearls. The perfect specimen of woman, whose high cheekbones and slender waist immediately bring to mind images of summering the Hamptons, sailing on the Cape, and professionally photographed images of a family-to-be (golden retriever included) lounging aside the dock, shoeless and dressed in seersucker. A perfect marriage candidate for any man desirous of merging his life with that of a well-bred woman whose pedigree includes a generous trust fund compounded by generations of wealth. But behind the ribbons and pearls, she is a soul-sucking black widow—the most frightening of all the types. She grew up on the wrong side of the tracks (probably in a trailer park) listening to “Fancy” while dreaming of seducing heads of states and CEOs. Though she hasn’t a penny to her name, she is able to lure the most talented of men with her well trained charm that effortlessly conceals her subprime roots. All should be wary of this type, though most will never know they have encountered a CDO until their bank accounts are empty, their house is in her name, and she is speeding off in the benz with the tennis pro.

Elementary (AGES 5-10)

• Dick has $1m. Jane has $1m. If Dick and Jane both give their $1m to
  T. Boone, how many millions will he claim he can turn it into?
• Among those earning 10-figure incomes, Mr Soros’s total annual
  compensation is greater than Mr Falcone’s. Mr Falcone’s is greater than
  Mr Griffin’s. Mr Griffin’s is smaller than Mr Soros’s, and Mr Paulson’s
  is greater than Mr Soros’s. In descending order, list the men by the
  respective hotness of their trophy wives.

Intermediate (AGES 11-15)

• Your middle-class parents have a combined household income of
  $115,000. You receive an allowance of $20 per week. If you save all
  your allowance for two years, how much debt will you need to finance a
  hostile takeover of your family? How will you structure the debt?
• At 10 am, a private Gulfstream G650 takes off from New York, headed
  south to the Caribbean island of St Bart’s, traveling at a speed of
  Mach 9. At 11 am, a private Gulfstream G550 takes off from St. Bart’s,
  headed north to New York, traveling at Mach 8.85. Both jets fly at
  50,000 feet on parallel flight paths. When the aircraft pass each other
  somewhere over the Atlantic, how long after seeing the G650 will the
  owner of the G550 kick himself for not going top-of-the-line? (Answer
  should be expressed in nautical miles.)

Advanced (AGES 16-18)

• Mr Smith is being investigated by the SEC for insider trading. Calculate the probability of Mr Smith’s relocation to Dubai.
• If an American hedge-fund manager makes $900 million and is taxed
  at a rate of 15 percent, how many American factory workers making
  $32,500 and being taxed at a rate of 25 percent does that make a sucker
  of? (Show your work.)
• Days before the housing bubble bursts, you short the ABX subprime
  index and, when the ensuing mortgage crisis causes millions of families
  to lose their homes to foreclosure, you realize a $550m profit. Since,
  for you, this is the opposite of a problem, find the opposite of an
  answer.

The rapping of The Economist